i hate my body
not only in a "i don't find myself attractive"
kinda way
but in a "i can't bear feeling my body" way
i hate having limbs
feeling their weight
i hate having skin on top of fat or muscle
i hate seeing rolls
and feel like there is too much of me
i pinch my skin
i see it move and distort and wrinkle
i feel my stomach being full
it being too small and too full
feeling like i'm gonna explode
i want to empty it
my stomach
my whole body
i want to throw it up
or shit it out
or cut open my stomach
and empty it out
take out my intestines
then my stomach
my liver
and my kidneys
maybe break a few ribs
leave my lungs and my heart
clean everything with bleach
and stitch it back close
feeling truly empty
being able to put my hand on my torso
and be met by no substance
feeling true emptiness
void
just a skeleton
surrounded by cavities, and sunken holes
hollowness covered by a thin layer of skin
and that's it
i would never feel my body again
feel what's inside of it