i want to fucking kill myself
i always ruin everything
fucking hell
i hate myself so much
so fucking much
what is wrong with me
why can't i ever do something right
i know i'm not fat
i know
but my body looks so disgusting
i feel fat
i see myself fat
i see myself in bad shape
with a disgusting stomach
and disgusting thighs
that are just so damn big
plus people are so slim here
even slender
and i'll never be able to be like them
even if i could finally starve myself again
and i mean do it right
my bones would still be bigger
my ribs would still be large
just like my hips
but that's not the problem
the real problem
is that i can't seem to starve properly
why can't i do it
how did i do it before
why am i so fucking weak
just stop fucking eating
you're the biggest joke
of an eating disordered woman
how can you stand with that
i'm so ashamed
but apparently not enough to fucking stop
i want to starve
i really do
please
please please please
i promise you'll like yourself more
please
look at the fucking number on the scale
aren't you disgusted with yourself?