fucking hate this
really tired of this anorexia bullshit
so you're telling me
that i won't ever be able
to eat normally ever after
like
i'm stuck with these fears forever?
want to eat everything
i'm obsessed
and so tired of it
just want to eat all day
want to eat everything
that
didn't even know
allowed myself to eat
just want to eat greasy and sugary stuff
who cared
i'm fucking depressed why do i care
just want to binge a whole month
without a care in the world
or the consequences
and then die
so i won't take responsibility for my binge
like
am i going to restrict myself
until i die?
but at the same time
if i fucking eat
i won't be able to stop
and i'll be even more disgusting than now
and i'll be even more out of control
can't just say fuck it
it will have repercussions
that i'll regret
but it feels so good
like so good
to eat
and eat
and eat
carbs
fat
meat
sugar
it's such a serotonin boost
i don't know
what should i do
can't fall into food
can't be fat
scared of it
already don't know what i look like
feel dimorphe
is that the word?
i'm a mess
and i'm so ashamed
feel people judge me for not eating
and then judge me for eating too much
like
i know i'm a fuck up
you don't have to point it out
it makes me so irritated
for literally nothing
i'm pathetic
wan’t a bowl of cereal