fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
i hate you so fucking much
and i fucking hate myself
everything should burn
want everything to break
want to fucking kill myself
want to be cut in half
or burned
don't want to leave anything of my body
please do better tomorrow
i'm begging you
can't keep going like this
please
please do better
i promise it's not that hard
you can do it
just please stop binging
please please please
38.3kg
lose the weight
lose the weight
you look hideous
you're fucking disgusting
with your stomach out like crazy
that's what happens when you eat
you look like an abomination
with no chest
no ass
and only this disgusting thing sticking out
hope the lack of potassium kills me
want this heart attack
want it to be painful in my chest
i'll know why i'm dying
hate myself
hate myself so fucking much
and no talk is gonna change that
no one can help me
wish they could
but they are so helpless
i'm a fucking blackhole
i suck in all the hope
all the advice, the encouragement
the want for me to get better
it gets sucked in
and it disappears
i never listen to it
i can't process it
it seems to make sense
but it never actually does
i don't believe in it
and i can't bring myself to force myself to
i'm too lazy to change
i'd rather abandon myself
and die complaining
when i'd have done nothing to get better
i'm not sorry
or maybe i am
but i don't care enough
can't bring myself to
i feel like shit
i feel like shit when i wake up
when i get up and see myself
when i go out
when i go to school
when i see friends
when i see family
when i go to therapy
when i do homework
when i get back home
when i eat
when i don’t eat
when i think about food all day
when i get in bed
when i go to sleep
over and over again
everyday
fuck that
and fuck you
you don't understand
you don't even try to
you think you're so much better than this
you think i'm pathetic
and you're right
but i hate that you're right
and i hate you for being right
i hate everyone
so why would anyone not hate me?
want to throw up
these last four days
have been the worse i've had for a while
want to disappear
should really just end it here
but it's cold
and i don't to get out of the covers
want to stop it now
i'm done
i'm done trying
i've tried enough
fuck you
you're so fucking condescending
you don't take this seriously
you don't take me seriously
this is a tantrum for you
it's a phase which everyone goes through
"you're confused"
fuck you
i'm not confused i'm hopeless
and i don't see the point
and if you think i'm ridiculous then fine
i'll be even more ridiculous dead
what do you want from me
can't give it to you
i'm tired
i'm tired of trying everyday
i don't want to try tomorrow
don't want to try the day after
and the day even after
want to stop trying
want to let go
want everybody to forget me
forget i exist
want to be all alone
with no one to look at me
i'll die of loneliness
need to go to sleep
wish i could go throw up
wish i could make it better
wish i could go back
goodnight