did
did you just say fatso?
am i overreacting?
why would you think that's ok
to everyone in general
but to me?
i know you weren't talking about me
i know
but i don't know why
the last few weeks
you keep commenting on people's weight
especially fat or overweight people
like it's a joke?
and how the fuck
do you think this affects me huh?
you're just telling me that you judge weight
and i know how you would see me
if i gained more weight
it tells me that
even though everyone around me says
"weight isn't important"
"you're more than just your appearance"
"nobody looks at and judges your body"
that it's all a fucking lie
i hate everyone
i miss it so fucking bad
i miss it
i regret getting "help"
maybe everything would still be shitty
but at least i'd be able to look at myself
why did i complain
i had the one thing i want now
i don't know if i can do it again
it doesn't make sense
it's like
i'm too ashamed to have gained back
that i can't even be sick
it's exactly when i can't do something
because i'm not immediately great at it
the mere fact
that i'm not already severely underweight
is draining all my motivation
like i've lost it
like i can't do it anymore
and i fucking hate that