this is it
everyone is starting to hate me
people tell me
that it's all in my head
but that's not true
that's what i get
for disappearing
for not being entertaining
for not being present
for being so self centered
for not being fully invested in others
i can't care as much
so it's only fair that people lose patience
they've already been so patient with me
they're growing tired of me
it's too exhausting to care for me
they're is nothing in it for them
i don't know if they're mad
i hate it
i don't want them to be mad at me
but it would be a fair reaction
like
i think they should be mad
i want to die so damn bad
i don't want to feel all this anymore
i want to stop being a weight
on everybody's shoulders
i cut again
i'm so stupid
this is not helping me
i keep picking at my face
making me even uglier
everyone is so cold
i feel like everyone hates me
or is starting to at least
even cutting didn't feel that good
so i ate
and now as always
it's making everything worse
nothing is ok
i'm gonna end up alone
i deserve to end up alone
i don't deserve them
how do people keep living
i'm so angry at myself
i hate myself
i hate myself so much
it's only normal that people hate me
the more i feel bad
the more i want to die
the more i push people away
the more they leave me
the more i'm alone
the more i feel bad
so honestly
the only ending possible
seems to be death
even with all the help i've gotten
i'm still doing worse and worse every time
this is not getting better
how long is it gonna take
and will there still be people left
if i ever get better
can i get better
with people leaving
i want to be normal
i want to not even have to think
about all of this
i'm tired of myself
of living with myself
i'm gonna try to sleep it off
goodnight