you don't care
i don't know
don't even know what's real anymore
with all those dreams
that feel so real
so accurate
and i wake up so confused
even sleeping is starting to be exhausting
i just want nothing
everything to stop
i'm alone
against everybody else
not because they're actively against me
but because they can't be with me
on my side
in my mind
it's never gonna get better
why can't people see it
am i hiding it from them?
am i unconsciously scared that they'll see
why do i always want
to make it seem like it's not that bad
i don't even want to
i just say it
like a reflex
"but it's ok"
"it's not that big of a deal"
it is to me
but probably not to them
i don't want to disappoint them
when they think i'm doing better
i always put myself in this position
where i've been optimistic
to reassure them
and then i can't live up to the expectations
that i put in their mind
it's my fault
why are you abandoning me
why don't you care
why are you not answering
or asking if i'm ok
do you not care
is that it
did you really forget about me already
why can't you understand
what i need
what i want
you're going to tell me it's my fault
because you don't know
how to interact with me
i'm still a mystery to you
you don't see when i ask for help
i'll always have to be the one to translate
you can't just understand me