please shut up
stop talking to me
i don't care
i really don't care
sorry i guess
but you make my head hurt
don't leave me alone with her
fuck
sorry i really don't want to be mean
i just realized i'm setting myself up for relapse
sure i can eat a bit more
i'm not severely underweight
and i'm kinda functioning
even with my eating disorder
but at some point it's gonna catch up to me
especially the laxatives
sometimes i start to feel the damage it's doing
deep down i know
that if i keep it this way
if i decide i'll just live with it
at some point it's gonna be a problem
i'll make irreversible damage to my colon
and then i'll have to stop laxatives
but if i stop
then i won't be able to feel as empty as i wish
and i'll loose control again
and then i don't know how i'll manage
i'm just hiding the problem under the rug
leave it there for later me
who'll have to deal with it
i know i'm not recovered
can i really go on and try to function
without fully leaving this behind?
i don't know if it's possible
i don't really believe it
should i decide to go back inpatient
even if i'm "a bit better"?
to try and finally get this over with?
i don't know
i'll leave it to future me to think about
goodnight