it didn't go away overnight
i still feel like shit
like there's no point of getting up
everything seems like a chore
can't even want to do the most basic things
the things that help me distract myself
don't want to listen to music
don't want to watch a movie
don't want to scroll on social media
don't want to talk to people
or at least
don't want to have to explain this to people
i don't know how to explain it
it's difficult
and now nothing makes sense
it's so weird
i feel like i switch so easily
and so fast
i go from feeling pretty good
telling people about good things
actually trying to think about the future
letting me have fun
to feeling shit again
not wanting to do anything
not even wanting to think
to realize how shitty i feel
i don't want to get up
cause what would i even do
i want to sleep
cause it's the only time there's nothing
nothing going through my mind
nothing to think about or do
i feel so out of place
it's hard to feel shitty here
i can't really abandon myself here
people are looking
people don't get it
and i don't even know what i want
to go back home
where i'll definitely feel like shit
but at least it would be a fitting place
or stay here
where sometimes i feel better
but every time i fall back down
it hurts so much more
and i'm alone here
i can't seem to keep contact with the distance
it's harder
i complain that i feel alone
but i'm not doing anything to fix it
or at least not enough
and i still struggle so much with weight
this shit still ruins my day