fuck
hate it
i was almost having a good day
46.0kg
why am i not losing weight
hate myself so much
look disgusting
my legs are so big
and so disproportionate
why am i that heavy
i lost it
so why is it back
it's because i got confortable
and thought i could eat
without repercussion
if i want to do this
need to be stronger than this
need to keep up
focus on the goal
but how can i be so hungry
if i hate
and weight that much
i'm so tired of myself
this is going nowhere
it's stupid
i'm never gonna like myself anyway
but i guess it would be way worse
if i gained some weight
kinda want to look sick
i'm just hungry honestly
guess it kinda helps
with the darker thoughts
it's kind of a distraction
somehow
want to cut them so badly
was doing great
shouldn't have eat
but now that i've been stupid enough
to talk about it
they'll notice
and force me to eat
but it's easy for them
they're not the one feeling the guilt
so whatever
shit i don't want to go tomorrow
what's the point anyway
i'm literally a dropout
haha
if my old teachers knew
what a disappointment
was so good back then
did all of my work
attended all of my classes
didn't complain
motivated myself
did everything by myself
now i'm a fucking despair
it's funny in a sense
guess all i did was for nothing
or maybe i was just pretending to be good
but never was
how can someone so good
can end up like that
where's the logic connection
anyway
gonna go sleep
i should at least
so goodnight
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care