still can't purge
don't get it
why is it so hard
are my fingers too short?
don't understand
it seems impossible
don't feel anything coming up
need to focus more
did well yesterday
but since no one was home today
i fucked up
the number needs to fall quicker
at first i could lose 2kg in a week
now it's starting to be so hard
he's gonna force me to eat tonight
i'm scared
shouldn't have ate lunch
knew i would have to eat diner but still ate
dumb fuck
my stomach hurts
fuck
want to eat
want to eat
want to eat
i'm not even hungry
ate so much already
way more than i planned
why did i say yes
could've just said no
it wasn't worth it
don't even know if i'm hungry
food just makes me happy
it makes me feel warm
and safe
and full
but now it's scares me so much
cause i don't want to feel good
want to be sick
want to die
but as disgusting as it sounds
can't help but convince myself
that i can't eat
because even if i die
i can't die fat