get me out of here
don't know where to put myself
i'm so egocentric
complaining
like my life is so hard
when i literally don't deserve what i have
i'm a joke
pathetic
i'm a bad person
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you fuck you fuck you
i'm egoistic?
fuck off
i'm constantly doing my best
to be fucking invisible to everyone
so i don't bother them in any way
and i make one single mistake
and it seems like i fucked everything up
wanna cut so bad
don't have anything to do it tho
wanted to die so bad
like ok scream at me what a great idea
hate them hate them hate them
can't fucking do this
i'm angry
but its so weird to them
not something i do
like its a big deal
let me be upset
stop ignoring my feelings
why am i doing this
feels unproductive
i'm just being negative again
but it comes easier than happy thoughts
i don't know
maybe they're here
but i don't see them anymore
i'm hungry
but i'm gaining weight
even though i try my best to starve
look disgusting
want to cut my legs off
can't even take make up off
without feeling like shit
i'm gonna be alone forever
and ever
why would anyone want me
it's not even me
it's that thing
that is constantly sad
fun right?
wanna love
but have so much expectations
rather just imagine perfections
don't want to be disappointed
want the very best
a feeler, soft, helpful
a fucking therapist then
can't even like someone normally
always has to be about me
what can they bring me
i am egoistical
they're right
it's always about me
me me me
wanna be loved
fuck this
fuck everything
why do i care
do people even care?
am i the only one caring
about dumb shit
of course not
but
why don't they understand
why am i the anomaly
how are you happy
how do you keep going
aren't you tired of it
not even jealous
just confused
why would you scream at me
how was that a good idea
did you know?
how it would affect me?
if not how can't you see that
isn't it obvious
don't act like you don't know
but if you knew
did you think i needed to hear it
that i was just being a nuisance
and that i need to grow the fuck up
do you think i do it on purpose
do you think i'm just a whiny teenager
that i don't have the right to feel like this
cause i do
should i?
it doesn't help anyway
just feel like a failure even more
know it's not supposed to be a big deal
like my 'illness' shouldn't justify everything
so you feel like you still have to discipline
i shouldn't get any special treatment
maybe
but then how do i get out of it
all by myself right
that's what you want
that's what's worthy
fuck you
tired of myself
of being so angry
and having to keep it in
i'm writing too much again
need
to
keep
it
short
so i don't malfunction
didn't cut
scaredy-cat
don't know how
goodnight