in the end it doesn't matter if i try or not
don't know if im telling myself that
to excuse my behavior
to excuse the fact i don't want to change
that i complain all the time
but make no effort
to actually do something about it
i just expect everything to come easy
i want everything to come easy
i don't want to help myself
i have to accept
that i'll probably always hate myself
for the rest of my life
have to chose how long that can last
i miss my old life
i miss my old house
my old living room
my old dining table
my old kitchen
my old bathtub
my old stairs and hall
the bench in front of my building
i miss diners
miss going to the restaurant with my mom
miss getting takeout every week
and going to school with my best friend