there are days like this
where i hate everyone
i hate all of you guys
maybe not hate
but fuck you
i just feel pissed
and angry
and bored
and i'm tired of being dragged alone
like a weird token
never ask for my opinion
you guys only talk about boring stuff
and i don't want to be here
i feel so uninterested
you don't make any effort to include me
i'm always left out
in your boring adult conversation
is that what being an adult is like?
that is so unappealing
you guys just drink
talk about alcohol
talk about work
talk about contacts
who fucking cares
you guys laugh at unfunny jokes
i just don't get it
i just want to go home
i don't want to go for drinks at their place
dinner was already long enough
just want to go to bed
shut up
shut up
shut up
i thought of something awful
is that what intrusive thoughts are
for a second
i hoped we crashed
that they had too much to drink
i don't have my seatbelt on
maybe they can be ok
and i can die
it would be nice
didn't even tell you
about the huge panic attack i had
two days ago