my eyes are gonna be so puffy tomorrow
i ate too much today
and i can't seem to be able to express myself
like i'm sad
and i know why
but i also don't know
it's so many things
so complex
but also very simple
i just don't know how to say it
it seems exhausting to even try
like
i know you won't get it
cause it's too hard to explain
but every time i stop for a second
and think about it
suddenly nothing makes sense anymore
i feel like i've hit a bottom
where suicide will always be the easiest option
the less tiring one
being okay is exhausting
i don't want to have to make efforts to be okay
i don't know
maybe that's how everybody lives
but i don't want to
i don't want to spend every second of the day
and constantly spend energy
to be okay
to be alright
to feel good
maybe it's also a habit
feeling like shit starts becoming comfortable
i know it takes work to get better
and i don't want to work
i'm lazy
and not motivated
like sure i could feel better
but i could also not feel at all
easy as that