damn
can you just leave me alone
please don't pressure me like this
i feel like a fucking child
that can't say no
you won't let me say no
plus i'm so stressed with this new job
i feel like a social loser
can't seem to say anything interesting
or remotely funny
i just stand there and nod
or laugh awkwardly
and say "mhm hmm"
over and over again
they must think i'm weird
and not in a good way
feel ridiculous
i know you don't get it
i know
but you don't have to be mad at me for it
like
sorry i can't be like you
and have fun going out
with plenty people i don't know
who i have nothing to say to
i'm just gonna be standing there
not being able to participate
look at all of you from afar
and ask myself
what the fuck am i doing here
i'm upset that you're upset
i'm just uncomfortable
you don't have to understand
but maybe accept it
don't put me in this situation
i just wanted to see you
i know it might not make sense to you
but i like it better just with you
just with one person
small gathering
just you
and me
and a sense of comfort
and safety
and trust
and importance
maybe i'm just fucking boring
maybe it's my only way to get attention
when there is no one else to look at
i don't know
just want to fucking sleep
and stay in bed for three days straight