i just hit 200 days
it's so weird
how badly i crave it the closer i get
i'm almost breaking my record
and yet today i feel like cutting
i feel like no words can come out of my mouth
i feel stuck
and deeply alone
i don't want to feel like this forever
and yet
i'm convinced i'll never be understood
i feel too smart
and too dumb
and too weird
and too simple
for other human beings to understand me
is that some kind of ego thing
do i think so highly or lowly of myself
that i consider myself too different
what the fuck is wrong with me