i give it one month
one last month
and i'm done
i'm fucking done
don't know why i cared so much
about dying
i'll literally be dead
won't be able to have regrets anyway
won't care cause i won't exist
who fucking cares
what
there'll be consequences?
it's not like i’ll know about them
won't feel them
i just won't be
that's seems so nice
i just won't be
i don't care about dying
or killing myself
i care about not being
i don't want to be
and sure there are things that i like
that require to be
but if i'm dead it won't matter
i won't like them anymore
cause i won't be
it's so easy
i'll be scared
i'll hesitate
i know myself
i'm a coward
but it'll be so worth it
and if i'm incinerated
there will be nothing left
of my physical existence
want my body to burn so bad
want it to disappear
that no one can see it anymore
i'm kinda scared planing it
i don't know if that's normal
need to stop caring
why do i give a shit
if i die i won't have to give a shit
where will i do it though
can't do it at home
i know i'll be dead and i won't care
but i don't want my mom to find me
it's weird
even now
i feel like i'll disappoint them
by killing myself
choosing the easy way out
always finding a way
to not make any effort
i'm so fucking ashamed
don't want to go to the hospital tomorrow
i'm a fucking joke
wasting their time
so fucking disgusting
they must think im so fucking disgusting
shame shame shame
want to die right now
i'd rather
than have to show up tomorrow
can't even cry anymore
it feels even worse
i just want to cry
i'm too far gone
how am i supposed to come back
from this
just can't feel happy
what is wrong with me
i'm a pathetic being
literally a piece of shit of society
i'm sure
so many people would want me dead
no one has it easy
and yet here i am
being the weakest human on earth
so fucking entitled to feeling happy
and i don't work
i never work
i expect everything to be easy
i don't deserve to live
because living is work
and i've never earned it in my life
especially not now
i'm actually getting worse and worse
i'm a fraud
one last month
goodnight