this is too confusing for me
sorry
it's too hard
i can't keep up
everyone is trying to help
giving me their thoughts
and advice
and everyone is involved
i should be happy
everyone is looking at me
everyone is worried
and thinks about me
and cares
and yet
it's just scaring me even more
it's making me so anxious
i'm such a bitch
i'm never happy
i always feel lonely
and whenever people show me i'm not
i get scared
and anxious
and i hate it
i still want to disappear
i don't understand
what do i want
what the fuck do i want
why am i never
ever
fucking happy
or at least satisfied
what do i expect from others
why do i have unattainable expectations
for everyone
when i hate having them for myself
i'm such a hypocrite
this is not helpful
don't know what i should do
i'm so fucking lost
and i've never been more surrounded
but i also feel so distant from everyone
like we're not living in the same world
we're not seeing the same things
feeling the same things
i'm just so out of it all